im not myself

im losing myself. Literally, forgetting who am i. but how could i explain ? How could i explain to you or to anyone who is not me. Who has never experience bad day at work? i bet everyone does. How could i explain the mind-numbing, soul-deadening feeling of answering phone calls second after second, minute after minute, hour after hour, day after day, week after week, month after month? No, i could never fully explain what it is like either, which was why i'd stopped trying to communicate with my colleagues. I have no one else to pick at because colleagues are the only people around me at work. I'd lost interest to initiate conversation. I got annoyed when i heard their voices. I don't feel like talking to them at all. I'd stopped whining as well because what could they say that i hadn't heard? It was always the same old story : 'Hang in there, something better will come your way.' or ' what to do, that's work' or 'everything will be fine soon, just hold on a little longer' or 'you are doing good, keep your spirits up' . But i wasn't - im not doing good. I didnt want to hear it anymore. They meant well, i knew. But they couldn't possibly understand how i felt . I'd held on for as long as i could. I'd held on during lunch to finish up. I did.But nothing had changed.

Except me. I was changing. I let the devil take charge of me. Faking all the smiles, cursing everyone deep inside me. Losing all the serenity, letting the ill-tempered me out. i want all this to stop. i want myself back. A girl friend once told me that she think im the most patience person she ever met. A guy friend once told me that im very attractive especially when im so polite. Now im not the person they once talked to. Work had jarred my soul - pins and needles at first and now its spears and swords. I need to get out before i go crazy. I want all that back !

birthday shoutout

To Jane :
Wish you a fun-tastic birthday. Hope yours is the happiest in all universe.



To Dextos :
Hope your birthday is as bright and happy as you make the world around you.



I asked you : What can i do for your birthday since you are so far away.

''let's have G tou tong ( pork pepper soup ) for me''

so , here's it !! - your only G tou tong from Tmn Midah.

i miss you ~~~

Still here

still in the office. Listening to Rain's 4th album. my mind already wander off to the the land of snooze. I cant think so im not doing my work. My heart jumped at every ring of the phone. Its reminds me of The phone : the last call. M trying to get through my work and also killing some time before meeting up with Teo and Ivan for dinner. I still have 15 mins to do work , then leave this sad building and finally breathe some fresh air. Its so stuffy in here. I dont understand how the ppl can work so late in the office. tsk tsk. Cant think of tomoroow. Im afraid of tomorrow and also the day after and after and after. I dont think i will be able to survive. Its so suffocating. I cant breathe * gasping for air* . please help .... i cant breathe .... breathe .... and im talking shit here. Back to work!

well, its a funny name

i was at Heaven yesterday night, drinking with Eling and Karen when i received a sms from Dave.

Where are you now?

Heaven. Y?

Heaven? You're dead?
('_'!)

Ha Ha

FYI, Heaven is just a restaurant name. It's located at The curve , right behind Sakae sushi. It's not my choice of places to hang out but it's just because the only place that is not so crowded. It doesn't occurred to me the comicalness when i replied Heaven. The way he said You're dead? , really cracks me up.

Come on, don't you have any better name for your restaurant?

let's go Heaven.

anyway i was there also on Friday night and we did this :

Can you see what's wrong?

haha

Life is a struggle between Good, Evil and CHOCOLATE!

... is the best !
... is the yummiest!

... is the good!

... is the evil!

... is chocolate!

Its HOT FUDGE CHOCOLATE BROWNIE!

i couldnt resist.

i just cant.

eventhough im already full to the maximum.

The brownies still can makes its evil way to my stomach.

make sure u eat with ice cream, vanilla with peanuts topping.
first u tasted the cold, then the hot Chocolate brownie melting in your mouth.

alongside u can feel the crunchiness of the peanuts as well.

Heaven~~~~~

i had apple crumble

and

Tiramisu .......

but

its just cant win the HOT FUDGE CHOC brownies.

Oh, you want to know where is it?
if u ask nicely enoough, i will tell you la.

whahahaha....... *evil grins*

Sunday gone, Monday comes

another 5 + hours
at about 7 am later
i will have to get out from my bed
shower
get dress
and
go to work.

sigh

it gotta be a long week

i cant wait for saturday to come already.

i rather stay at home , cleaning
i cleaned my room yesterday.

if a persons room reflects the emotional state of the individual
my emotional state must be in chaos.

there were empty packets of angpow paper ,
old receipts to which origin i have long forgotten,
left on my desk
half read books scattered on my bed, some under the bed,
dirty socks and clothes piling up at the corner of the room,
empty water bottles and cups covering up another half of my desk.
i think the dust was an inch high covering every inch of my bookshelf.

Believe me, you wouldnt want to see it.

i havent had a beer on a barstool in ages!
a Saturday drinking night at Sanctuary with YK
left me addicted to stout!
i never thought i would say this -
but yes im addicted to stout.

its not black guiness stout
but its Kilkenny!

you should have try it and tell me how nice is it.




i havent seen this beer before at the mart.
if u see this, please telllllll me.
pleaseeee
i ll give u anything in returns
anything

alrite. gotta zzzz

p/s : the picture in my previous post is kinda disturbing. i knoe. but i like it. i cant help staring at the picture. its like though im feeling the pain of the syringe poking thru my tongue. eeeee
photo by eugene.

nothing to be scared of

midnight is my pensive hour

when everything calms down

time froze

my thoughts cleared

i just let thing be

all the hustle and bustle seems so distant

no urgency, no anxiousness, no worries

no pasts, no future, no problems

just the moment

wound CAN be healed

problems CAN be worked out

career paths CAN be sorted out

true love WILL come

so

why drink and cry

when

you can smoke weed

and get high

midnite is my pensive hour

there's

nothing to be scared of

tease your brain

"i turn my head , and you may go where you want.
i turn it again, you will stay till you rot.
i have no face, but i live or die
by my crooked teeth - who am I ? "

try this , if you got it right
hmmm......i treat you lunch!!??!

good luck.

^_^